sorry

And I will restore to them the years that the locust has eaten (Joel 2:25) 

I write this as a Christian disappointed that the scriptures supporting my faith do not explicitly encourage the most important act of restoration I can think of. And that is saying sorry.

Many of my brothers and sisters, when asked about scriptural support for apologizing, will cite passages about forgiveness, restitution, redempton or atonement but none of these mention saying sorry to the people we have harmed. The scriptures (both old and new) invite humility, contrition and repentance in various gestures of sacrifice and reconciliation. But these are directed toward God rather than toward human beings. Perhaps that is why religious people will bypass an apology and go straight to requesting forgiveness. They seek absolution for themselves but not necessarily the restoration of those against whom they've sinned.

Jesus was clear about placing the love for another right up there with the first commandment to love God. He invited us to do unto others and to turn the other cheek instead of slapping someone or yanking out his eye or tooth in an act of revenge. This was a huge improvement on retributive justice and its childish law of retaliation. Still, He did not replace that law with what we would today call restorative justice. He fulfilled it by offering his own life to pay for our debts.

There is an invitation in Matthew 5:24 to be reconciled to your brother or sister before offering a sacrifice on the altar like a hypocrite. But, given the traditions we have already mentioned, this reconciliation may have taken the form of a request for forgiveness or an offer of restitution as payment for a debt. Regrettably, it is not specified that we should redress our offenses by hearing out others and apologizing directly to them for the harm we have done.

One of the most beautiful scriptures says that what comes out of our mouth comes from the heart, and that it is indeed this which defiles (and cleanses) us. Other scriptures remind us that we will know a tree by the fruit it bears, and that the fruit of the spirit of God is identified with gentleness, meekness, patience, kindness, self-control and love. Christ is the ultimate expression of this, and his second coming the ultimate restoration of justice for all. Many prophets foretold this remarkable time of reconciliation, knowing it was not something that would ever happen on the world's terms. 

My question is: why wouldn't God command us to restore the hearts we have broken by acknowledging our wrongdoing and making concrete amends to those we have harmed? Maybe for the same reason that "He hardens the hearts of whom He chooses, and has mercy on others" for a reason beyond my own understanding. This is simply how it is.

If it were up to me, I would tweak the Golden Rule to: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you and when you have offended others (and you will), restore unto them what you have taken. Show compassion, say sorry and do your utmost to never do it again.