~Psalm 69
I have been on a spiritual retreat for over 40 days. Toward the end of it and until now, I have been asking: what is the next right thing to do? Where do I go from here?
I pray for orientation.
Sometimes I get promptings that are crystal clear about what I should do. Other times a gentle rush of peace moves into a place that was previously dark and painful, a blessing in the form of knowing I am at the right place doing the right thing, even if most of the time I'm not doing anything at all. These are magic moments. And I am grateful for them.
Other times I am just plain lost. I pray or meditate, read the Bible and ask for signs... Nothing. I willingly surrender my will to God's and sit patiently like a blank sheet of paper waiting for him to write His message on my mind and heart... Crickets...
I think of David and Job and Jeremiah and Jesus, all of whom felt forsaken by God and left in a desolate place of separation with the Devil breathing down their necks. What a place to be!
You're God-forsaken. Now what?
Here is the wisdom that came to me today in the form of an analogy.
Imagine you're driving in a car and you get disconnected from your GPS. Maybe you took a wrong turn and don't know how to get back. Maybe you were listening to the radio and didn't hear The Voice. Maybe the noise of your thoughts or ambient distractions drowned out the directions. Or maybe you saw construction ahead, or wanted to take the scenic route, or just misunderstood Her and made a mistake. You took the wheel into your own hands and got off track. And now you're lost. It doesn't feel great but it's not the end of the world. Why?
Your GPS will update its directions to match your new position! Your wrong turn may have may cost you time and stress but, unless you drive off a cliff in a fit of rage, you're gonna make it to your destination provided you keep on listening. (That, by the way, is the meaning of the word obedience, from the Latin ob + audire: to listen!)
What's more, God is God. His will will be done, whether you are listening to His instructions or not! The only difference between we who follow his guidance and we who do not is the trouble we get into along the way. Going from A to B, Albuquerque to Boulder, we might end up in the Bullring!*
It is a great relief to know I do not have to figure out God's will in order to do it. Even when I choose to surrender to His satellite-in-the-sky omniscience (after all, I want to stay out of trouble as much as I can), I might still get lost. At those times, straining to see "what next?", I can find comfort in the fact that I am never really lost, that I'm gonna get to where I'm supposed to, because His will guarantees that. I can sit back, relax and enjoy the ride...
* Anyway, if it's His will that I'm skewered like a shish-kebab ain't nothing I can do about it. If it's His will that I get out of there alive, well... Glory hallelujah!
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