Reflections

A little water clears us of this deed ~ Lady Macbeth I'm going to be more careful about spreading my germs. I have probably got others sick by going out when I was unwell. I have probably also got them sick when I was contagious without knowing it. So I'm going to be more careful from now on; staying as clean as I can and keeping my distance. I will undoubtedly fall into careless patterns again. It's the human condition. So, aside from making amends, I'm going to ask forgiveness for not being able to stay clean and for spreading my germs, as well as forgive others for spreading theirs. That doesn't mean slackening a boundary, at least not intentionally. It actually means firming it up while also knowing it's bound to loosen.  I will give and receive compassionate cleansing.

Pray you now; forgive and forget ~ William Shakespeare (King Lear) When a person has been betrayed, it is common to seek transparency and disclosure of the truth.  This appeals to our anxious brain hoping to stabilize disturbing emotions in knowledge and facts. What often happens, however, is that every detail teases out the desire to know more, and the quest for truth becomes a twisted and torturous rabbit hole of unanswered questions.  Rather than putting the pain of transgression behind, it gets fleshed out and remembered even more. The truth can sometimes be liberating. So can telling the story of our pain.  But, in some cases, like when you have been betrayed by a loved one, repeating the story of betrayal over and over is not going to set you free. Only forgiveness can do that.  And true forgiveness entails forgetting.  Not forgetting what is right and just, or abandoning the expectation of amends in your relationship going forward, but ceasing...

~ sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me It has taken me a long time to not disregard that rhyme as just plain wrong. Words, never hurt? What about the pen being mightier than the sword? Harsh words can wound us to our very cores. You can remove a sword but you cannot unhear words. No, I always thought, "Words hurt like hell!" and for that reason have long dismissed forgiveness as a disingenuous attempt to let something go when in reality it is killing us.  First we heal, I thought, and when it stops hurting, then we can forgive, truly forgive. But I am changing my mind. I still believe there is a lot of fake forgiveness out there, and that it is better to heal organically by feeling our pain, telling our stories and getting a "hearing" which validates our suffering, than to feign forgiveness through gritted teeth.  But now I believe we can dodge and remove the swords through forgiveness. We live in a world where words are ...