the flight from conversation*

All men should strive to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.
~ James Thurber

Sad that connection is sought at the expense of conversation, sad because it fills us up in little sips but never satisfies. Connection is autistic but conversation a form of intercourse weaving two-into-one. The first may be pleasurable, titillating; the second may be questionably pleasurable though, when it works, what bliss!

I do not think we seek connection over conversation as a quick fix or security blanket that we keep “always-on/always-on-you” as a transitional love object substituting for the real thing. In connection, we aren’t seeking to fill the void (I don’t think) but seeking to avoid it. We are all lonely and desire relationship. When we reach for connection instead of conversation I think it’s because reaching deeper into ourselves is too painful and what we find too shameful to share.

To converse you have to unravel the threads, come undone. It’s a risk: I might be dropped like a baby on the ground! The flight from conversation… the fear of flight more like it!

The fear goes as deep as the fear of death. If one does not feel secure, or have some kind of guarantee against rejection and abandonment,some kind of safety net, conversation ain’t gonna happen. 

* inspired by this article


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