Reflections

To continue my reflections on power, men and violence toward women... A traditionally “feminist” critique uses a black and white model to condemn domestic violence.  It attributes abusive dynamics to the deliberate exploitation of power by men whose intention is to dominate and control women, and blames patriarchy for its proliferation.  Due to the frequency with which I have observed male violence* in intimate relationships, if you subscribe to this model, many men would be deliberately manipulating and hurting the very women they love.  That is too perverse to entertain, and I take issue with much of the literature that comes up in an internet on the subject which would lead us to believe it. Patriarchy is not men; and violence is not their fault. It may be true that men are more violent; that they projectively identify their bad stuff more onto women (who have a tendency to introject it) which then justifies their acting out in violence because “she ...

More on the theme of violence and domination... with my apologies in advance to those taking issue with my sexist generalizations. I had the experience this past weekend of being with a puppy who was constantly nipping, to the point of drawing blood. It reminded me of my previous experience with a neurotic (adult) dog who, one year after his rescue and devoted maternal care from me, nipped frequently and ultimately almost bit off my nose. Two plastic surgeries and one dog later, I have often wondered why I never made a good dog mommy.  I realized over the weekend it was for the same reason that some people, especially women, get abused. We are unable to assert ourselves OVER another living being.  We coddle and resonate, nurture and coo. We do not dominate.  So we get dominated.  (That logic still does not make sense to me but that is because I live in a non-hierarchical world). What was happening with this puppy was that she (it was indeed a she ) was tryi...

I’m gonna say it: Men scapegoat women They cannot hear us when we cry, Just squawking and pecking Then feel attacked And bludgeon us like chickens With stony silence- at best At worse, words And worst- their fists So many stories in their heads Muffling our real voices And killing us It’s not their fault, Women, you need to know They’re made that way The world’s that way War goes that way It whores that way That’s just… How it is Sad. Because they’re our boys ! They have a great lack A missing-something… Compassion, lucidity, wisdom, estrogen… Emotional intelligence?? Whatever that precious silver is Lining our hearts Breaking us open like a blue sky When we are struck And hold our loved ones closer A mysterious padding around our ego That lets us turn the other cheek And look past our pain into them A gift, a huge muscle! That protects us From taking it personally Go figure gals, We’re stronger. ...