Platinum rules

So whatever you wish others would do to you, do also to them
~ Matthew 7:12


No longer the gold standard of moral conduct, the "do unto others" rule has been revised and expanded to include variations on the that theme known as the Silver, the Bronze, and- my personal favorite- the Platinum Rule.

Whereas the Golden Rule tells us to treat others as we would like to be treated, the Silver Rule flips the Golden Rule on its head and urges, "Not to treat others as we woudn't want to be treated ourselves."  It's a more conservative approach to reciprocity, based on the sound ethical principle of "first, do no harm."

The Bronze Rule takes harm-reduction one step further.  It admonishes, "If you're not bothering him and he's not bothering you, leave each other alone!"  Cute, but in my opinion it not only flips the Golden Rule on its head, it decapitates it as well... I don't like it.

Surely there can be more to inter-dependence than a "parallel lives" philosophy of well-being?

In comes the Platinum Rule.

The Platinum Rule, a term coined by Alessandra and Zimmerman in 1996* is about treating others as they would like to be treated, making them (not you) the measure of ethical and compassionate conduct.  Simple but brilliant!!

You can treat others well only if you first discover how they would like to be treated. If I do not know what you like, what makes you feel good or feel loved, how can I make you happy?  By giving you what I like?  Unfortunately not.  I need to know your language, what speaks to you, and give you that.

In his little book, The Five Languages of Love, Gary Chapman breaks down five main ways we give or receive love: as gifts, affirming words, time, physical touch or acts of service.  Each of us has a language (or two) which expresses love to us.

If we want to make each other happy, find out each other's language and speak that.

Go Platinum.

[ADDENDUM, August 26, 2018: The Platinum Rule preserves the spirit of The Golden Rule better than when we follow it to the letter.  By giving others what they want, we treat them as we would like to be treated.]




*although my philosophy teacher, Robert Misrahi, talked about this principle as early as 1986