step one

 ~ we admitted we were powerless and that our lives had become unmanageable 

(Step One, Twelve Steps)

There is a turning point in the life of every person which involves an admission of powerlessness. After all, nobody escapes the human experience without loss of power somewhere along the way. We lose youth, we lose people, sometimes we lose our hopes and dreams and, eventually, we lose life itself. We tend to mask this painful reality and pretend to be masters of our own destiny. This is called denial, and it is fed by the need to feel in control, by the ego. The stronger our ego is, the more denial we need. 

The most perillous and pathetic exhibition of this is addiction. Addicts deny powerlessness over an impulse even when it threatens to consume them and anything else that gets in the way. Unchecked, denial of addiction almost always ends in jail, institution or death.

What is one to do?

Admit defeat.

In the famous story of David and Bathsheba, David had everything but was still overcome by lust for more. He slept with a married woman, then plotted to murder her husband so he could have her to himself. God convicted him and took away his firstborn son.Then David's heart changed. In Psalm 51, he repents by offering his "broken spirt and contrite heart" (psalm 51). 

Only when David's heart was crushed, did he express remorse and change.

The word for contrite in hebrew is daka, or crushed. It can also refer to oppression, bruising or brokenness. The difference between an admission of failure and an admission of defeat is nothing short of complete brokenness. Only then is it possible to turn our heart over for cleansing, and reclaim our life and integrity.